I have been getting creative with my outfits. This “skirt” is actually a knee-length dress. I am trying to stretch my wardrobe. Literally and figuratively.
Ignore my strange eyes in this picture. It was sunny. Oh, and 80 degrees.
Last week,in a desperate attempt to wear something different, I took a dress, and with the sleeves folded under, wore it as an empire waist skirt over a t shirt and accented with a belt.
Feeling like I look nice definitely helps me these days.
It’s not that I’m super depressed about my weight or round face, but sometimes I just feel frumpy. Frumpy is so much more comfortable, but it does tend to dampen my spirits.
Really, I just want to live in maternity spandex. That desire really isn’t conducive to teaching, however.
Long, flowy dresses seem to be the answer right now. They cover everything, I can wear spandex underneath, yet they appear chic and dressy. Tricky Tricky, eh.
I’m sure these long, flowy dresses will be my friends after birth as well.
Speaking of teaching. I have some changes coming up in regards to that. Only six more full weeks left before I take leave.
Then, I will be off all summer!
Then, I will be taking a leave for the first semester. A whole semester off. I can scarecely believe it.
Then, I am hoping to return part-time at 60%.
I want this so that I can be the one to raise my baby.
So that I can see her first steps and hear her first words.
So that I can kiss her owies when she falls.
What I really can’t stand is that fact that I was AFRAID to tell my boss. That I felt nervous about telling my coworkers.
Why should I be made to feel guilty for putting my own child ahead of the needs of the school?
I shouldn’t! But, I did feel guilty. I did feel nervous.
I realize that some people need to work for financial reasons. Trust me, that is the only reason I am even considering returning to work. If we were wealthy, there would be no question as to what my one and only career would be: mother.
That’s just how I am. That is where my heart is. That is my personal desire. As a child, when people asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always responded with, “A wife, and a mom, and an author.”
I doubt the author bit will come to fruition, but the other two are in the bag.
No one should be able to make me feel bad for wanting to raise my daughter rather than to pay someone else to raise her.
Will I work hard as a part-time teacher? Of course! Will I care about my students? Yes!
But, a piece of my heart will remain wherever my daughter is.
So, wish me luck as I prepare to discuss scheduling for next year with the powers that be.
I am praying to be able to work 60% and in the afternoons.
That way, I can make breakfast for the family, see my hubby off to work without the stress of having to drop our little one off at anywhere in wee hours of the morning. That way, I can snuggle our little girl as the sun comes up and I can pray for her as the day begins.
I know that God is in control of my work, just as He is in control of whether I will be blessed with a natural birth, and just as He was in control of providing us a HOME in our time of dire need.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.