I’ve talked about this before: dating my husband.
It is something that is so very important to me.
I mean D-A-T-I-N-G. You know, the kind you did before you were married. The kind where you dressed to impressed, were on your best behavior, and worked to get to know one another better.
Hanging out is a given. We have frequent “date nights” or “Date mornings” when we go out to breakfast.
A purposeful date, however, is a bit different.
Here’s how it went down this weekend.
Hubby was racing his Datsun 510 on Sunday. 2 hours away. Sad face.
He loves it though and I love him. Therefore, I encourage it. I try not to whine . . . too often. This time I sent him texts that said ” Drive Fast and Beat Everyone” instead of “Be Safe and Hurry Home”.
Lo and behold he came home much earlier than expected. Happy face.
In the meantime, I made a plan.
I knew the dishes were backed up a bit. (no dishwasher in this lil’ o;’ rental). I knew we’d both be tired. I knew I missed him.
So, after running my idea past hubby, we grabbed the Del’s Pizzeria Groupon coupon that I have been hoarding for almost a year and headed to the beachside dining establishment.
The mood lighting was perfect. Dim and intimate.
The location was special. I lived just a street over when we were dating and hubby threw we a surprise engagement party in this very restaurant. Good memories reside here. Besides, their roles are to die for. And that honey butter? Don’t even get me started. See this blurry cell phone pic? I must have been shaking with excitement as I took it, so eager was I to get my hands on those hot rolls. mmmmmmmmmmmm.
So we ordered a simple meal – I’m still frugal on dates – and sat back to chat and wait.
We talked about our days. We talked about life. We talked about us.
I asked Hubby, “What do I do, have I done, or can I do that makes you fell respected and loved?”
You see, men want respect more than love . . . or so I’ve been told . . . and so Hubby has affirmed.
You know what he said? he said when I encourage him to do things he wants. He said when I “let” him do things he wants that he appreciates it, but when I encourage him (meaning no whining or guilt trips) it almost brings a tear to his eye. Hubs is so dramatic.
His examples were the text I had sent him that day (score!) and the fact that I had scheduled our childbirth classes around his softball games (something he had been willing to sacrifice so that I could go to the classes I wanted most). He said the fact that I didn’t want him to give it up made him feel respected. I believe he said, “I can’t help but love you when you do that!” What a charmer.
How simple was that? WOW. Those notes I leave him in his lunch, those bedtime snuggles, those meals I make don’t impact him as much as my simple support of his interests. Crazy, huh?
Being a good husband, hubby reciprocated the question. For me, it came down to feeling cared for and led. I feel most loved when he does little things to show he is thinking about me without me having to prompt him.
My examples? On saturday we went to breakfast. I got bacon with my meal. I love bacon. I could write a month’s worth of blog posts on bacon. However, I like it REALLY crispy. This bacon was oober-soft. Being the naturally shy person I am, I told hubby it was ok and that it wasn’t their fault that I like absurdly crisp bacon. But, you know what he did when the waitress came back? He asked if I could possibly get some crispier bacon! It sounds so silly, but that was special to me. Even though I said not to bother and that it was no big deal, hubby took my desires into account and acted on my part. So sweet. He did this another time with coffee. My sadly decaf coffee had become cold and I didn’t want to trouble the waitress with bringing me a new cup. Shy much? I didn’t even ask hubby to ask her for me, but he did. He was looking out for his woman. I felt so loved!
After discussing these scenarios at dinner we were both beaming. What a great way to both lift one another up and encourage/challenge one another.
Just the fact that I had asked hubby what made him feel respected prompted some mushy affection from him.
We both left saying, “That was such a great date!”
We found it funny that even though we do so much together, that simple date at Del’s felt extra special.
I never want to stop learning about my husband, figuring out what makes him tick, and striving to build him up through respect for him.
In fact, when he realized that he knew the manager from High School and spent some extra time talking to him before we left, I didn’t utter one word to hurry him along. Not after he had revealed to me how happy it made him when I encourage him to do things he wants. No way was I going to burst that bubble!
We’ll just have to keep up this dating business.
Good thing I still have another Del’s Groupon coupon!!